I will KICK you in the twinkly fairy gif in a minute, beeyatch...

No but seriously.

I went on facebook once, and someone had sent me a cartoon semi sexy goth fairy with sparkly wings, spouting some shit about following your dreams and valuing friendships. Then it said some other stuff which I found frankly threatening - some bull about posting this as my status to show some other shallow halfwits that I care about them. Like if I don't post it, it means I'm a dried up friendless bitch? (sucks teeth)

Is that what its come to, people? That posting some overly elaborate, gaudy facebook bauble that Helen Steiner Rice would balk at is the thing to do to show the world you care?

Why the cock do you have to tell the whole bloody world anyway? Just tell the people that matter, surely. And even then, you likely don't need to say it. They possibly know. On account of you being there for them when needed, or helping out with the crap times by making a brew, or lending a fiver, or giving them a lift somewhere, or letting them borow your mascara - that kinda shizzle.

But the sparkly fairies though? Hey, if you LIKE those sparkly vagazzle headfucks, all power to you. I'm not gonna judge. I'm just pointing out that they are not really my thing, and the demands for reposting as my status willy nilly is frankly just ill thought out.

It *could* make you look like an eight yr old who is desperate to get everyone in her class to sign her My Little Pony Autograph book that she won for being a swotty and doing her homework first. Not saying it definately does (it does) but it could. (does)

Sooooo, how bout you keep the glitter bukkake to yourself where I'm concerned. I mean I don't come to your wall and post my stuff. Mainly because it may have long words and complex concepts, fewer pictures, and none of those animals with mahoosive eyes that look like they are suffering from some weird Mekon disease.

And once again can I stress that if that *is* the sort of thing you go for, please don't feel any the less for it.

Just don't tar me with the same shallow girlchild tweeness.

Kidding, its sweet. (twee)

Love you. (but only in a throw away, facebook stranger way, natch. Don't actually come to my gaff.)

Daiz xx

Daisy's Top Tips for avoiding the ol' Black Dog

* Not to be taken too seriously
** No, fuck that, take it seriously, it really is life or death for some...

Its that time of year again - annoying gits gloating about their New Year Resolutions while you are struggling to even get up in the morning. Weather is gloomier and darker than Eeyore's Cellar, and all that shit you left til after christmas so you could leave work early for the party is coming back to haunt you.

So, what can you do to avoid that big black dog of doom from metaphorically humping the leg of your emotional wellbeing?

Here are a few simple and obvious strategies and tips from yours truly.

1 Fuck the diet. I said fuck the godamned diet!! You need those treats and carbs for a little while longer. Low blood sugar to a depressive is as dangerous as stairs to old folk.

2 Avoid contact with maudlin, neurotic teenagers. Maybe send the young pretenders to camp or something, or ask them to stop at a friends house. The last thing you need is someone whining that their black nail polish has run out when you are struggling not to pick up the shiny sharp objects...

3 Type "cheerful news" into youtube and record some on a loop, then play it on repeat instead of the steaming pile of gloom currently all over the news channels.

4 Open the bloody curtains for gunness sakes!! All that dark is NOT good for you, you are not bloody Nosferatu.

5 Sod it, go and get your hair done, or a tattoo or get something pierced. It'll be a talking point at least, and get you out of the bubbling quagmire of doom, innit.

6 If you don't own a pet, get one. Nothing pisses all over the twattiness of life like a kitten going mental for a bit of fucking string. Alternatively, youtube search for kittens going mental for a bit of string. Result!!!

7 Don't set any new year resolutions until it is daylight when you wake up in the morning. Trust me, this simple rule will keep you from living in Satan's Ballsack of Guilt because you broke your resolutions within a week.... (its still the New Year right up to next christmas as far as I'm concerned - plenty of time for New Year resolutions when the sun is shining.)

8 Drink a shitload of water. Supposedly, it will keep you hydrated, and when you are hydrated, your brain will be working better and your whole body will feel more alert. My theory is that it actually dilutes the depressing inky blackness to a far less scary slightly muddy puddle.

9 Try to avoid too much time on your own, there is indeed safety in numbers. This one applies to Zombie Holocausts too. Bonus.

10 Get out of the house. Not in a "creepy haunted voice warning you should not ignore" kind of way, but in a "get some fresh air before you turn into that bloke in se7en in that room with all the air fresheners hanging from the ceiling" kind of way.

Right, there's ten things to be going on with. I know its all bollocks anyway and life is a pile of steaming shit and no one is a bigger loser than you etc etc but... Give life a chance to spark again and I wish you all the luck in the world getting through to the light and the end of the tunnel for another bloody year.

Much love and affection to all my fellow sufferers - Daized.

Winning - no, not Tiger Blood, Daisy Blood!!

Here's what I know. This time of year is really hard for people like me. That is people who identify with any of the following -

Slightly mental, self absorbed, prone to paranoia, on medication, bi-polar, introspective, intellegent, overly self-critical, too confident/lacking confidence (Its a see-saw) self destructive, prone to depressive thoughts, prone to manic thoughts, think too much, worry too much, control obsessed, bloody idiots.

I just get really stupidly worrysome about the year to come, and then regretful and guilty about the tiniest of issues from the year just about to finish. Then there's the gloom. Its so pervasive at times, and hard to shake. I think to myself "Don't think about the small stuff, you know like that time when..." and Oh shit, I'm thinking about it again and dwelling, and being a dick.

Its been a bit different this year though, so maybe my usual pattern isn't quite so tram tracked into predictability. Medication helps. Supportive people help. Positive attitudes help. No really, I was hugely cynical, but have been kind of "Well, it'll either be shit or not, so fuckling get on with it" this year, and I'm pleased to say that mostly, its NOT been shit.

And behold THIS revelation - I think it was down to me. I did it. I was making good choices. I was stopping myself from getting too negative. I was fighting it. And I have been winning quiite a lot. Not in a Ohhh crap, I'm definately mental, Charlie Sheen Tiger Blood kind of way - in an Actually I'm bloody good and my biggest gripe is with the dicks who don't see that! kind of way.

This year those eejits have been the enemy, not me. I don't know exactly when I made the change, but I did. I don't know if it will last, either, as I'm still VERY skilled at destroying my achievements from the comfort of my own tiny mind. But I'm going on fighting next year, because someone has to stand up for me, especially since it seems everyone else is gonna be busy fighting to keep themselves above water, eh... ;)

Kudos to Susan Boyle..

.. She seems to have got herself sorted.

I remember crying me eyes out at her audition, and following her story with mixed feelings.

I was truly worried for her - she seemed such a fragile person, vulnerable and so exposed. People jumped at the chance to take the piss out of her obvious difficulties in behaving appropriately in the limelight, or her total lack of self awareness, or her less than attractive appearance, or her mental weaknesses and temperament.

She was such an easy target, but perhaps that worked both positively and negatively for her. On the one hand, she was ripped apart without mercy by comedians and commentators, who took advantage of the fact that people really didn't 'get' her and were therefore very ready to laugh at her rather than with. On the other hand, that meant she was always in the news and her name was everywhere. It made her "fame" implode, really, so that whatever you thought about her, you certainly knew her name.

Susan was just strange enough to be held up for ridicule, but not so obviously disabled that it would be seen as inappropriate. But should it have been? Would people have been so ready to take the piss if she had been blind, like Andrea Botecelli? or if she had a more visible problem, like having Downs Syndrome? The trouble with Susan was that her difficulties, though absolutely obvious, weren't pinned down to anything that people would feel meant you shouldn't take the piss. So despite it being really obvious that she had learning difficulties and some odd behaviours, and that she struggled with her mental wellbeing, she came in for some horrendous media bullying.

Hearing more about her life just made alarm bells ring even louder. All her life she had been bullied. She had struggled with friendships and relationships, she had relied on and been supported by her parents, and therefore was completely at sea when they were no longer there. Was our hunger for reality TV now going to chew her up and leave her to perish?

Well, it seems not, and I am really heartened by that. I'm heartened that, for whatever reason, people all over the world chose to take her onboard despite all the name calling. They decided to buy her records. They decided to hold her up as a symbol of their dreams. They decided to support her regardless of her weirdness, because that's what they would want people to do for them. And it seems there were bloody loads of people who took this "do as you would be done by" attitude. Loads and Loads of people who were themselves challenged in some borderline way that made them the butt of easy jokes, targets for bullying, vulnerable to the harshness of critics who jump on the slightest imperfections. Loads and loads of people who saw something in Susan and the reactions she got and decided it wasn't fair, and it wasn't how they would behave.

That's got to be a hopeful thing in this day and age. That people will make someone like Susan Boyle their superstar - spend their money on her records instead of some of the other cynical money grabbing pop products on the market.

But I still had niggles - for all that fame, pressure and change, what was SHE getting out of it. From what I'd read and seen, she didn't give a toss for the money. Watching the documentary tonight about how she was coping with the changes, I got a better idea. Seems that the biggest thing she is getting is company. Knowing that there are people out there - Loads and Loads of them as I said earlier - who actually don't think she's a bit weird, who don't see her as ugly, odd, old, fat, thick, different, but instead see her as JUST LIKE THEM!! So, like she said on the doc, the biggest thing she has now, in spades, is kinship. To feel that she's the same, not different. To no longer feel lonely.

Anyway, screw the money she has made, the fact that people around her have made it possible for her to perform, make records, travel, make appearances etc with as little stress and worry for her as possible is a good thing. The fact that its still doable to be a megastar despite having issues like those that have held you back for so long, that is a good good thing.

So, good on you Susan. Here's to you, and those around you supporting and enabling. And here's to a world that buys your records and says "Yes you can" to your dreams. I like it.

Letter to my mum.

Dear mum

Eee, I can't believe its been two years. Sometimes seems like yesterday I was up at yours, showing you that little notebook PC for looking at photos on. I know this letter is on the internet, but we were talking about getting on the internet last time i saw you, so I figured you'd have found a way to check things out down here by now. Unless all this afterlife stuff is bullshit, in which case its a mute point. Sorry about saying bullshit. Anyway, I like to think you are always on facebook these days, checking out our gossip and catching up...

I've done lots on the house recently - you'd not recognise the place! Had the hall stairs and landing carpets done, new kitchen and kitchen floor, new bathroom floor and ceiling, new bedroom. The bit you probably didn't like was me cutting down all my lovely trees and bushes and having it all gravelled over. Still, it does look neater now, and you can see in through the windows if you are ever... in the area. :)

Rob's out of work at the mo, which is a bit sh.. rubbish. Hopefully it won't be for too much longer, but things are tough for lots of folk at the mo, and in the grand scheme of things, we are doing OK. Still, keep your eyes peeled for us, and if you do have any sway, fate wise, then feel free to sway things our way.

Sally is growing up fast. Even has a boyfriend. He's called Dave but we call him goat boy. Still doing amazing at school, and I'm just so damned proud of her. Can't believe how bloody sensible she is really - I reckon you are influencing her from afar!! She's at North Chadd still, but in sixth form doing Art, History, Media and some others. She's certainly loving the Art - definately making you and me very proud there. :) The work she did for her GCSE's was amazing - she got 9 by the way, 7 A's a B and a C, miles better than I did. But you probably knew that already :) Keep an eye on her, won't you...

Me, I'm doing alright. Keeping going, trying to get things that bother me sorted out, and keeping my head above water for the most part. Things do seem to be a bit less of a drama these days, although I still have huge black days when I lose perspective a little bit. They're fewer though, and I feel like I'm generally less scared of myself these days.

Oooh me and Degs are going on a cruise at Easter - from New Orleans. It's going round the western Caribbean - Mexico, Camen Islands, Jamaica - Its keeping me going through the tough bits at the mo.

Miss you. At the most stupid times as well, like at half term. I taught myself how to tie this special knot that is used in the latest bracelet craze - Shambala bracelets. Found myself thinking lots about you, your crafty ways. All those ponchoes and bedsocks and stuff came flooding in - I even found that crochetted bikini thing you made me. Bet you are knitting away wherever you are. I made lots of lovely bracelets and I could almost hear you approving from afar.

Love you, mum. Never said it enough, but then nobody ever does really. But I do. Still. And always will.

Take care,

Debs xx

The one about taking responsibility for shit you cause...

Sheesh, scary bloody times. I know it wasn't just young male dissaffected, but can we please stop saying it was a cross section of society actually looting and vandalising - it wasn't, bar the odd utter dickwad that is now getting lots of news coverage to try and show something that isn't there - it was MOSTLY young male unemployed dissaffected youths.

So I think we are agreed that the mostly young male disaffected youths
* are having a whale of a time
* are fucking idiots
* have no respect for authority
* are having the most exciting time they have ever experienced
* have no concept of the consequences of their actions
* are jobless and fixated on getting "stuff"

Now, my previous carking on about the causes of the rioting and looting has got somewhat lost since many innocent angry folk see that as me making excuses for the perps behaviour - its not. But without finding and thinking about root causes we can't move on - its not excusing anything, okay. We are agreed, they are criminal fuckwits. Right now lets move on...

Lets have a looksee at what people have said about what might happen or have happened to cause, exaserbate, add to, make all this shit happen now, in this climate, during this government's tenure in no 10.

Here are some of the things I've heard folk blurt out during the last few days as possible solutions or causes etc.

"They are mindless thugs" - I don't think they ARE mindless, they know exactly what they want - STUFF, ecitement, something to do. solution must be education then, get them thinking about more than just acquiring stuff. but education budget is being cut right left and centre - Oh dear. Rethink that maybe?

"I see they aren't touching the bookstores - maybe if they read a book once in a while this wouldn't be happening!" - Library closures EVERYWHERE. Oh dear. Rethink that then, maybe

"They should try a stint in the army.." - Ohh but massive redundancies in the armed services and cuts to defence budgets.. Eek - Another rethink then?

"Why aren't they at youth clubs like I was when I was their age" Oh bugger, HUGE numbers of youth facilities closed in budget cuts. Fuck! Rethink?

"What about getting them more involved in their communities and local areas?" Ohh yes, good idea - erm looks like lots of initiatives to do that, set up under labour, have been just stopped. No after school clubs, no extra funding for schools to do just that... Oh, fucking dear, indeed. Re mfucking Think needed. maybe?

"Bollocks to solutions, they need to be more scared of the consequences - they want locking up!" - Well, y'see, cuts to the already overstretched prison service mean fewer places for them to be locked up, or if they are, short sentences are all we can afford after the cuts so... rethink, then.

"Make em do community service..." - Yep, but Social services and probation services for young offenders - ohhh they're stretched because of budget cuts and redundancies.

"Better into work programs or careers advice might have helped..." Again, in many deprived areas, businesses like Connexions who do that work have made massive redundancies due to local government cuts - in the place my hubby USED to work, Salford - 12 people cut to 4. Still maybe that isn't gonna impact, might be worth a rethink anyway?

"More police on the streets would have sorted this sooner" - Police. Huge Cuts. Bugger. And again, self explanatory - rethink.

Now then, people. Lets talk about responsibilities. Yes, these selfish little cunts need dealing with. They need to be able to take responsibility for their idiotic choices and criminal actions. But so do we. Its our responsibility to see that that they are dealt with. Its our responsibility to accept that the current climate does indeed have some bearing on what has happened and what will continue to happen to disaffected youth in this country. Its our responsibility NOT to simply say they are criminals and that is the end of it. Its our responsibility to look again at cuts to crucial areas that are going to make a difference as to how these little cunts CAN be dealt with.

Cameron? Clegg? Miliband? Beuller? Anyone? We need a fucking, big ass rethink....

Android or iPhone - Its a political thing...

So, I think the choice between the iPhone and Android Phones may reflect your basic political leanings.

You are more likely to choose Android if...

You prefer to have more control over how things work, and be involved in making things better for everyone.

You like the idea of things being "open" and "In the public domain"

You like the fact that anyone can contribute to the whole "way things work", including sharing great ideas and ways to get things done, without too much red tape getting in the way.

You are looking for something that changes and progresses quickly, based on not just corporate ideas, but those of the community at large who want to be involved.

You like that there is the freedom to make your own impact, show individuality and be proud of the way you have things running.

You also like the fact that everyone else is allowed to do the same, and that no two set ups are exactly the same.

You cherish diversity and sharing knowledge.


You are more likely to choose iPhone if...

its important to you that other people think you have the best things out there.

You aren't so bothered about how things work, just that they do.

You are not so much concerned with who, how, why things are the way they are. That's something that other people decide.

You are proud that the things you have are seen as the market leaders, and that lots of effort has gone into making your brand image.

You like to identify with corporate and monetary successes.

You think that input from the common users should be regulated to ensure that the standards remain high.

You are happy to buy into something great, instead of having to make decisions for yourself.

You are a supporter of hard working people who get what they deserve for their money.

You think sharing, be it knowledge, ideas, wealth, things - leads to lazy people getting things they don't deserve on the back of your hard work.

You think people with the knowledge and ideas should show good business sense and get them trademarked, tied down and start profitting!!


So, which side are you on?

This blog was obviously written with about as much bias as there could be towards freedom, democracy and the android way :) xx